This was my first Pre-Transplant Assessment Test and I don't mind confessing that anything involving a needle sends shivers up my spine.  So with this in mind I started worrying about it days before it was actually happening.  Now I know I am probably not the only person who does this and I really wish I wouldn't - but that is me.  When I worry - I can't sleep either so all in all it is not the greatest start.

Well the Day finally arrived.  Had to be up early because I had to have my breakfast at 6am.  Nerves were now kicking in even though I kept on telling myself that 1,000's of people have this procedure but when it's "you" rationalisation seems to fall by the wayside. I was quiet as we drove to Papworth.  We found the Cardiac Day Ward and were warmly greeted by the staff.  They have a wonderful reassuring, calm disposition.  Just what is needed.  I was shown to my bed and soon after the Sister came to chat to us both. She explained what would be happening and when. High noon.  She said that a nurse would be along shortly to do an ECG and a "Papworth Brazilian".  In all my googling about this procedure that was never mentioned!

Now I am very modest when it comes to my body and I know the nurses have seen 100's of bottoms before but this is my bottom. But in truth I need not have concerned myself as she was so careful and the half Brazilian was done with such dignity for me I hardly knew it was happening at all.  More wasted energy. When will I learn?

Time can pass so slowly.  Clock watching doesn't help either.  And as noon approached I found myself wanting to go to the loo more and more.  I must have gone at least 6 times.  My mouth was getting drier and drier.  Nerves.  If only I didn't have them.  

Eventually it was my time.  I walked to the Theatre - slowly.  Roy was by my side. It must have been hard for him as well.  We said our goodbyes - kissed - and he left.  I went through the doors.  A large room.  So many people. So much equipment.  There was a mini step ladder by the operating table. I climbed it and laid down. What was a lovely touch was each of staff involved in the procedure came over and introduced themselves and told me what they would be doing. They were all so warm and friendly and I know I always knew it - but I really did know I was in very safe hands with them by my side and I just knew they would look after me.

The surgeon came over as well.  He looked like a kind man - and he was.  I told him that I would be closing my eyes and counting out aloud continuously for the entire time I was in there.  He asked if I wanted to know what was happening.  I told him the only thing I wanted to know was when I would get the "hot flush". And that's what happened.  I closed my eyes and got counting.

Then it started.  My groin area was cleaned.  Then the bit I was dreading the most.  The needle going in with the anaesthetic.  The surgeon had to placed his fingers in that area and when I'm nervous I seem to be even more jumpy.  And jump I did.  I felt awful as I wasn't making his life easy.  Whilst I was counting I was also trying to tell myself to relax.  As if that was going to happen.  Was it painful? I would say it was more discomfort but counting really does help me as I have to concentrate and that helps me to keep my breathing stable.  And then to my delight the surgeon said "T - that's the worse bit over".  The area was now numb and they could do what they had to do.  I didn't feel a thing.

The next best thing was when the surgeon said it was all over.  I stopped counting.  I opened my eyes.  I wriggled myself across to the bed that would take me back to the Ward.  Roy was waiting.  Test 1 was over. Tick.  I had to lie flat for an hour.  Then I was raised up.  I was being checked very regularly.  The staff really couldn't have done anymore for me.  Eventually at about 4ish I was discharged.  I was on my way home.

Now I was warned that I might have some bleeding. And I did.  I was told not to panic if that happened. But I did.  I was just to lie down and press hard and it would stop. However, once again I shouldn't have worried because the bleeding did stop very quickly. As the evening went on I started to feel a bit sore and stiff.  To be honest even though I was really tired I didn't sleep very well.  I was scared that if I moved too much the bleeding would start all over again. Sometimes I hate the nights.

Morning came not a moment too soon.  I was still a bit sore and stiff.  Moving around a bit helped to ease the joints so that's what I did.  I stayed in my PJ's all day as that was the most comfortable and watched TV.  

So having been through it I do have some tips I would like to share just in case they are of any use. 

Firstly - bed socks.  My toes got a wee bit cold - probably the nerves but popsocks weren't much use.  

Secondly - for some reason I wore my jeans to go in and let's just say they fit me snugly.  Not the most sensible thing to wear when you are trying to get dress to come home and you have just had a procedure in your groin.

Thirdly - high heeled boots!  What was I thinking?  

And finally - the upshot of it all is my heart is in good working order.   Terrific.

This was the second of my Pre Transplant Tests and it was the quickest ever.  No sooner was I in - I was out again.  Just how I like them!

So what happened?  Well I got partly undressed and then put on a very fetching hospital gown and laid on the bed.  An X-Ray machine just passed over my hip area a few times and that was it.  There was no tunnel - I didn't have to hold my breath and the best bit of all was that there were no needles in sight.  

And the upshot is - my bones are in tip top condition. Terrific.

It finally arrived.  After weeks of waiting I was now going in for 3 days of Pre Transplant Tests the result of which would have a massive impact on the future of my life.  Would I be a suitable candidate or not? Basically would I be given a chance of life? Was I worried - you bet I was.

Another quiet drive up to Papworth.  I was busy reading all the good luck messages on Facebook and Twitter.  You would have no idea how much that boosted me up.  Checked into the main reception and was then guided to my Ward - Duchess Ward. As always the staff were really friendly and welcoming.  I was shown to my bed and Roy started to unpack my bits.

No sooner had that been done when House Keeping appeared with the tea trolley.  Cup of tea and biscuits - nothing better. And then it all started to happen.  A nurse needed to ask me loads of questions - take swabs - my temperature - my weight and height.  For the past 40 odd years I know I haven't had any growth spurts and I've always told people I'm 5ft 4".  Oh how your illusions can be squashed so easily in one fell swoop is cruel.  I had to be measured and let's just say I'm not as tall as I thought I was!!

With that aside a Doctor then came to see me.  Asked about the history of my diseases and then examined me and made copious notes.  The Pharmacist then popped in to check up about my medication and was keen to answer any questions I had.  Once again nothing was too much trouble.  I have to say I felt really secure and reassured knowing that everyone is looking after me and will do their very best for me.

After lunch my first procedure was a Perfusion Scan. I was injected with radioactive dye and then scanned for 15 minutes. I kept on thinking about The Hulk. Would I turn green - grow another 2ft (I should be so lucky) and then split my shirt open? I'm sure some of the dye must have gone to my head!! Fortunately nothing like that happened - it was all quite normal and unadventurous.

The next part of the day was meeting a Transplant Co-Ordinator. She was fabulous.  Straight to the point about Pre and Post Transplant should I get one.  It is a life long commitment - so many pills to take - the side effects of those pills - what I will and won't be able to do -  snorkelling and deep sea diving to name two.  Phew - no great loss to me but even so all the time she was talking I was just thinking - all I want is one chance to live. Throw everything at me but please give me that one chance.

Once both Roy and I had asked all our questions we left to go back to the ward.  That was it for Day 1. Now I could relax and I needed that time.  Roy stayed with me until 5pm which is when supper is served. We said our goodbyes - people say it must be tough for me.  I say it is as equally as tough for him and I couldn't get through it without him.  He is just the best and I love him so much.

With supper done I switched on my trusty iPad and watched two films back to back - a real chick flick and then an Audrey Hepburn film.  It was just the right thing for me to do.  I switched off as to where I was - I didn't think about Day 2 - I was in another world until 10pm when it was lights out.

And that  was Day 1.  

What would Day 2 bring?

Surprisingly I had a good nights sleep but still managed to be awake at 5am.  I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact that someone was coming to take blood at 0830!

Got dressed and then House Keeping were around with breakfast - just like home (almost) two pieces of toast with Marmite and a cuppa.  However, I have to say I found my eyes watching the clock again.  It was getting nearer to the dreaded stated time.  The frequent loo visits were starting to happen all over again.  The mouth was getting drier.  When will I get over it?  

And then she appeared.  The nurse with the very large trolley full of empty bottles just waiting and wanting to be filled and to think I would be doing most of them.  I felt a lie down was absolutely necessary.  I told her that she wasn't to tell me what she was doing - I was going to close my eyes and count out aloud for the entire time the deed was being done and only when I heard those wonderful words - "T - it's all over" would I then stop.  And once again that's what happened.  At 867 I opened my eyes.  Phew - another test over.  I have to say she was brilliant and I did of course sing her praises not that I was volunteering again - oh no - that's me done with blood.

Lung Function and the 6 Minute Walk Test were next on the agenda.  I've been doing these since I was first diagnosed. Admittedly they are getting harder and I seem to have coughing fits in between each one. Because I am huffing and puffing it does take it out of me and I do feel really whacked.  These tests can take me 30 - 40 minutes so by the time I sit down I am really ready for another lie down but no such luxury as it is the Walk Test next.  Basically I have to walk as far as I can in 6 minutes whilst your heart and oxygen levels are monitored.  I just keep my head down and just keep putting one leg in front of the other and hope the other one follows!!

After lunch followed the Echocardiograph.  This was an odd one.  I had to partly undress and wear one of the fetching hospital gowns with the opening at the front.  Gel was then put on a probe and then that went on my chest - it was all to do with the heart.  I heard blood rush around from one area to the next and it seemed to make two different noises depending on where the probe was.  It was fascinating.  However, it was really uncomfortable sometimes and it was a real discomfort and the only reason that I can think of is that I haven't got much padding shall we say so there was no cushion effect.  But I just kept on telling myself that this had to be done and it wasn't going to be for too much longer.  And sure enough it was all over.  Another one done.

Roy and I were then taken back to the ward.  And then it started.  The mother of all tension headaches. All my tests were over.  What would they reveal?  I think I went into melt down.  Everything depended on the results.  It was out of my hands.  There was nothing I could do and there was nothing anyone could tell Roy or I until tomorrow.

I've said it before but sometimes I hate nights.  This was one of those nights.

Day 2 over.

What would Day 3 bring? 

This was Day 3.  The day that I could find out my fate. Had a fitful night - still had a bit of a headache but I wasn't really surprised about that.

Today Roy and I were down to see the Physician and the Transplant Team but to my horror and shock I was told we were only going to be seeing the former. My heart dropped and tears welled up and fell out. What did they know and I didn't?  Roy then arrived and I just hugged him.  That's all I could do.  Words just wouldn't come out.  Eventually they did and I told him. What can you say to each other?  What do you think?

We were taken to the Tranplant Care Unit to be met by a Transplant Co-Ordinator and a Doctor. Once again I had to go through my medical history - questions were asked and more notes taken.  Then the news.

There are a few medical loose ends that need to be tied up before a final decision can be made: a mammogram, sorting out my bloatation, gastro reflux and I have to increase my weight but not only all of that but one of my lungs has adhered part of itself to my chest wall.  You're right - it just doesn't want to leave me!!  The surgeons have to be sure they can remove it so more discussions will be taking place.

So bearing all that in mind we now understand why we didn't meet the Transplant Team.  Still too many unanswered questions but the very good news is that if everything can be sorted out I stand a good chance of being accepted to go on the List.

So there ended my 3 days.  

I've laughed and I've cried.  

But it's all over now.

Jitters.  Have you ever had real jitters?  When you're on tender hooks and feeling incredibly apprehensive and your stomach is going ten to the dozen.  Well that is how I felt on the morning of this test.  It felt different to being nervous but just as bad.  The thought of a tube going up my nose and then down into my stomach made me shudder.  How on earth was that going to happen?

Having had many tests now the car seems to know it's own way up to Papworth - point it north and off it goes.  As always Roy was with me.  He knows when I'm quiet - I'm bad.  I was quiet.  We made our way to the Respiratory Physiology Department - waited our turn and then eventually heard those words - "we're ready for you now".  They may be but I wasn't.  For the sake of anonymity I will call the two wonderful Respiratory/Oesophageal Physiologists - Louise and Andrew.  I was then weighed and measured and then went into the room.

Louise was lovely.  She asked how I was and I told her that I was hungry, nervous and very nervous. She said she quite understood how I felt and said that as soon as it was over she'd get me a cup of tea and some biscuits.  The good old British cup of tea seems to put all situations to right.  I said it was a deal.  She asked me loads of questions and then it was time for the deed to be done.

I got onto the table and sat upright.  We all put on plastic aprons.  "Why aprons?" I thought but said nothing.  I asked her if she minded me counting whilst it was all happening.  "Whatever makes it best for you is just fine by me" was her reply.  From that one reply I knew she was going to be caring - I just knew it and suddenly I felt my jitters falling to one side.  All of a sudden I felt that we were a team of 3 and we were going to do it.  I wasn't still quite sure how but just knew we would.  Then Louise asked me if I had a preferred nostril?  Of all the questions that I have been asked I never saw that one coming.  To be honest my nose has just been my nose.  I said I hadn't so we went for the left one!!  It was duly sprayed with a local anaesthetic and then it was time to get going.

For some reason Louise suggested I took my glasses off - not quite sure why but in truth it was a good idea as I can't see very well without them and maybe she thought the less I saw the easier it would be for me.  I closed my eyes and starting counting.  Well have you ever tried counting with a tube going up your nose? Not easy and I very quickly realised this would not work.  Trouble was I hadn't got another plan.  The tube went up the nose and then I felt it coming down the back of my throat. Andrew was standing by with a cup of water.  The idea being is that you drink a bit and then as you swallow the tube is eased down and this is repeated until the tube reaches the stomach. Theory and practice don't always go together.  And this was certainly one of those occasions.  Well did I gag? You bet.  And the water I had just drunk flew at top speed out of my mouth.  I now realised why we all were wearing aprons.  I of course was very apologetic.  I don't normally do this kind of behaviour but it just can't be helped.  Louise and Andrew were absolutely fine about it.

We had more attempts but nothing was working.  The tube would get so far - 20cm in fact but had to be pulled out time and time again either because I just kept on gagging or it was hitting the upper sphincter muscle which wouldn't relax and open or indeed the tube would come out of my mouth.  I felt like I was in The Alien.  I was just thinking all I need now to happen is for the tube to come out of one of my ears!!  

Time out I thought.  This Team of 3 needed to regroup and work out another plan.  We came up with the "thumb up - thumb down - hold my hand" strategy. The idea being I would put my thumb up when I was ready for Louise to start.  The moment I felt myself tightening up the thumb would go down indicating to Louise to leave the tube exactly where it was and not to move it but just to let me settle again and then when I was ready the thumb would go back up and we would be off again.  I also thought it would be a good idea if I held Andrew's hand - not for his sake you understand but for mine.  I just felt reassured if I did but I am sure he didn't realise how tight the grip would be.  I didn't think how he was going to manage as a one-armed Physiologist but he was so kind he didn't say a word.  Then Louise said instead of sipping how about taking a good glug of water when we were close to that stubborn sphincter muscle.  Out of nowhere I visualised the Niagara Falls.  I saw in my head masses of water falling over the edge and then falling at great speed and volume.  That was it. Niagara Falls it had to be.  With the amount of water I was going to take in - nothing was going to stop my muscle from opening.  It was in for a big shock.

So we were off again - tube up and down the nose and then Louise told me to glug as we were at that point.  Well this was the moment.   I can honestly say I have never drunk so much water in such a short space of time.  One-armed Andrew just held the cup to my mouth as it all disappeared.  Had it worked? Yes.  That muscle had given in.  The tube was now on it's way to my stomach.  Just as well as I certainly didn't have another plan up my sleeve. From there onwards it was easy.  A few tests had to be done which only involved me swallowing more water. After all the tests were completed the tube was removed completely.

One test down just one more to go.  However, that involved another tube going all the way down again but what could go wrong?

We'd cracked it surely.  

Or had we?

What could go wrong?  I mean I've had a larger tube down into my stomach just a couple of moments ago and by all accounts this was a thinner one.  Surely this should be easy?  Once again theory and practice don't always meet.

This pH study meant that the tube would have to be left in my stomach for 24 hours and it would be attached to a mini computer which I'd carry around with me - it's about the size of a Walkman.  The idea was that we'd - well not me - Louise - would just pop this tube down, rig me up and I'd be off.  Easy. Then out came another long tube from the drawer.  Louise was standing by.  One-armed Andrew was standing by and the Team plan was to use the very successful "thumb up - thumb down - hold my hand" strategy.

Well up the tube went up into the favoured left nostril. It didn't get very far as it kinked up.  Louise pulled it out - unkinked it and then Take 2.  No - that wasn't working either.  One-armed Andrew was still waiting for his moment.  By Take 6 and a kinked tube later Louise decided we'd have to change tactics.  We were going to have to go in via the other nostril. The least favoured nostril. With everyone up to speed with the change and standing by to do their bit and with Niagara Falls still very much in my mind it was - thumb up.  The tube was off and on it's way.  To be honest I think everything down my gullet was in shock.  The speed that it all happened and the element of surprise worked wonders.  It was almost in my stomach.  And one push later - the tube was in it's final resting place.  Job done.  Great Team work.

Louise then taped up the tube that was coming out of my nose to the side of my face and with the remaining tube attached it to the mini computer.  I have to say I could feel it in my throat - it wasn't painful - I just knew it was there.  As for blowing my nose - it's not easy and I blow my nose a great deal.  Another little challenge.

And then true to her word Louise said - "how about that cuppa now".  You'd think I'd just won the lottery - it was music to my ear.  I must of grinned from ear to ear.  Andrew went off to get it.  I think he was quite relieved to.  It gave his hand a chance in getting the blood circulation back!!  Not only did he return with that very welcomed tea but biscuits as well.  It was weird drinking and eating with this tube in but nothing was going to stop me.  It was going down.  

Louise then explained what all the buttons on the computer were for and when I was to press them. There was a cough button.  Understood that one and I knew that would be pressed often.  There was a heartburn button - I was hoping I wasn't going to be pressing that one too often.  And then a belch button!! I said to Louise that I didn't think I'd be using that one. To my horror of horrors - how wrong was I?  I have now discovered that I am a "silent belcher" and that button was pressed far more many times than I will reveal.

Not only did I have to press buttons but also record what and when I was eating.  It's amazing how food has an uncanny habit of sneaking up to the mouth area without you realising it and only with gentle reminders from Roy was everything recorded.  

Bedtime I knew was going to bring me new challenges as I have a particular routine before I fall asleep.  I start off on one side then just as I am about to nod off I do a 180 degree flip - the equivalent of a double salchow triple axel - to the other side and that's me away to the land of nod.  However, with the encumberance of tubes and a mini computer this was not going to be possible and the only way I could be was flat on my back with the computer to one side of me.  Did I get any sleep?  Precious little.  It was another one of those nights.

However, morning eventually came and now I only had to wait until 2.30 then I would be free again and to be honest I was looking forward to that moment. Breakfast and lunch passed by and then it was the drive back to Papworth.  We made our way to the Respiratory Department and soon after the lovely Louise appeared to call me in to the treatment room.

I sat down and she suggested that before she asked me any questions how about removing the tube.  Of course that was very agreeable and within a few seconds - it was all out - all 37cm of it!!  I was a free woman once more and it really did feel good - I surprised myself by feeling how good.  Louise just wanted to make sure that I hadn't had any problems and explained that the results recorded would be examined and the appropriate paperwork put on my file.

So that was it.  The last of the tests for a while.  Roy and I go back to Papworth early in December.  I so hope it is good news.  We need it to be good news.

In addition to all the already mentioned procedures before a final answer as to whether I am a suitable candidate for the Waiting List I had to have a mammogram, smear test and my teeth and gums had to be checked over by my dentist and then a letter from him saying they were in good health was sent to Papworth.

Of course everyone is different so some of the procedures may not be applicable to every individual and of course there may be other procedures necessary but if you are going through the Pre Transplant Assessment I wish you all the very best and from my experience it is not as bad as I thought it would be.